Q: I have been very attracted to Judaism ever since I first began to learn about it over thirty years ago. I have some reason to believe that my family was originally Jewish, but converted. What would be the steps for me to take to return to Judaism? I am especially attracted to Reform Judaism. What can you tell me?

A: Discovering or rediscovering one's personal history and family history can be a profoundly enriching and transforming experience.
Conversion to Judaism is a process of cognitive and affective development -- that is, learning what it means and how to be Jewish and then experiencing and internalizing what has been learned. While a conversion ceremony is transforming in several ways it is also a statement that the celebrant has become Jewish and is ready to declare his/her Jewish identity and commitment.

You have obviously done a great deal of work and searching to this point. This process cannot, however, been done alone. It requires a Rabbi as a guide and a Congregation as the full context. Your next step should be to contact the Rabbi of the local Reform congregation.

Written by Rabbi Bruce L. Gottlieb, Sinai Temple, Michigan City, IN

Q: Is it possible to convert to Judaism via the Internet?

A: A great deal of information about Judaism is now available on the Internet, making it a wonderful way to begin learning. However, conversion to Judaism involves much more: study, worship and practice in the context of an active Jewish community. After the decision has been made, there are rituals that mark the new Jew?s entrance into the convenant and affirm the community?s embrace of him or her. Therefore, conversion over the Internet is simply not possible or advisable. To convert in that way would not be meaningful or fulfilling.

May I suggest that you contact a rabbi near you. I am sure he or she would be happy to meet with you and discuss ways you can begin to study about Judaism. If, after a period of study, you decide that you want to become a Jew, I am sure the rabbi would be ready and willing to explore that option with you.
I hope that you will learn more about our faith and that you will, indeed, make the decision to become a Jew. I look forward to welcoming you into the Jewish people at that time.

Written by Rabbi Robert Orkand, Temple Israel, Westport, CT

Q: Is it necessary to be conversant in the Hebrew tongue in order to be accepted into the Jewish community via conversion? That is, can I convert without learning Hebrew?

A: The short answer is, "Yes, you can convert."
Some of the Introduction to Judaism courses, offered around the country and which many if not most prospective converts take enables students to "decode" Hebrew, that is, read the sounds so that at least they can follow along. Of course it is our hope that converts as well as born Jews will learn more Hebrew than that, so that at he very least they can know what the basic prayers mean. But that takes time. Spoken Hebrew is something which very few Jews are capable of, unless they have studied it in college or in Israel itself.

Now, if you ask the question because you are aware of having a language disability of some kind, I would talk to the rabbi sponsoring your conversion. I am sure that he/she would work something out. But if that isn't the case, jump right in to the excitement of learning this wonderful ancient/modern language. The fact is, Judaism is more exciting the more you understand the mother tongue, because much of our Torah interpretation is based on linguistics. But don't despair if you're not a scholar from the get-go!

Written by Rabbi George Stern, Temple Beth Torah, Upper Nyack

Q: What is necessary in order to convert to Judaism?

A: What is necessary to convert to Judaism may vary in detail from rabbi to rabbi, but I guess we would all agree that a period of study would be necessary. This study would not only familiarize the prospective convert with the basic beliefs and practices of Judaism, but it would also help him/her entrance into the actual community. I find it very important that the person do the studying (and the internal growing) while participating in the actual life of a Jewish community. This will allow many things to become second nature to the individual. Once this slowly happens it will be possible to assess how far the conversion has really gone. There is nothing miraculous here, simply an educational process that every rabbi needs to evaluate until his/her subjective criteria are met. Then there are of course ritual aspects to formalize matters which I would strongly encourage that they be done. In the Reform rabbinate the requirement of ritual bath and circumcision will vary from rabbi to rabbi.

Written by Rabbi Alex Lilienthal, Congregation Rodef Shalom, Waco, TX

Q: I am in the process of converting to Judaism. When the Conversion ceremonies are completed, is it considered customary to render a gratuity to the Rabbi that we have been working with? This is a sensitive subject to ask of our Rabbi, whom we love and have the deepest respect for. I want to avoid asking anything that may seem self-serving and could be embarrassing to him.

A: I do not believe it is necessary to give an honorarium to the rabbi who is doing your conversion, particularly if you have joined or intend to join his temple. Working with conversion students is part of a rabbi's normal duties. However, it would be a nice thing if you made a contribution to the temple in honor of the rabbi and in celebration of your conversion. I hope that helps. Good luck, and Mazal Tov!

Written by Rabbi Bonnie Margulis, Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice

Q: Why don't Jews proselytize?

A: Judaism has been a minority faith group for thousands of years. Throughout much of that time, the majority faith group has been either Christianity or Islam. Both of these religions are offshoots of Judaism and, hence, monotheistic. That is, not recognizing the validity of other gods. However, since Judaism was recognized by both of these daughter religions as the prior, incomplete, revelation of God, they decided to permit an active Jewish presence in their midst. Of course, restrictions were placed upon Jews living in Christian or Moslem society. Proselytizing was one of these restrictions. Jews were not permitted to seek converts, and in some cases, were forced to grant access by the majority faith group's missionizers.

Thus, while we know of converts to Judaism, it was not a large widespread movement and certainly not sanctioned by Jewish leaders. In fact, the opposite has tended to be the case. There is much Jewish material which suggests that Jews "oppose" proselytizing. Before modern times, it would be exceedingly difficult for Jewish leaders in Christian and Moslem countries to advocate missionizing to the host society. This is still the case in Moslem countries.

Today, however, Jews in the US find themselves in a society where free market reigns supreme. This includes the free market of spiritual ideas, as can be seen by the explosion of interest in the New Age Spirituality Movement. Recently, there has been a quiet but significant emergence of outreach by Jewish movements. This outreach has been focused on about to be interfaith couples, but is open to all. The idea being that Judaism has something unique and spiritually satisfying. Perhaps in cases where non-Jewish partners or others are non practicing of their religion, they might find fulfillment in Judaism.

Written by Rabbi Jonathan L. Hecht, Ph.D., Temple Chaverim, Plainview, NY

Q: Is it the policy that men must be circumcised prior to conversion? The reason I am asking this question regards my eight year old son. For a variety of reasons he was not circumcised, including the fact that when he was born, while my husband is Jewish, I was not. I would prefer for him to make his own decision when he is older, or perhaps then it can be done with a local anesthetic. As a result of religious school and home ritual he considers himself to be Jewish and I feel it is important to have him converted.

A: Traditionally, conversion ritual for men involves both mikvah and brit milah. An orthodox rabbi would not consider your son to be a Jew until both rituals were performed. From a Reform point of view, if your son has a Jewish father and is raised as a Jew, he is considered a Jew. We do not discriminate between matrilineal and patrilineal descent.

If his father is not a Jew, and you were not when he was born, then there is some "doubt." Liberal Reform rabbis would view him as a Jew by upbringing and would not raise questions. Some others might wish to see a conversion. Many of the latter, however, would not demand circumcision.

The best reason to go through the circumcision is so his "conversion" is accepted by more Jews. As for waiting, well, that may in part be a medical issue. It would occur to me that now might be less painful than later, and that you could explain it top your son at his point not as a conversion ritual, since he considers himself a Jew, but as an operation that will make him like other Jewish men -- an operation often but not always done at birth.

Beyond that, you are of course right that he could opt to do it later "if necessary." I wonder, though, whether he might one day question your "failure" to perform this ritual in a timely manner? Obviously there are a lot of angles to explore.

Written by Rabbi George Stern, Temple Beth Torah, Upper Nyack, New York

Q: I am Jewish and dating a non-Jewish woman who is considering conversion to Judaism. I'd be so happy if she did convert, but I don't want to seem like I'm forcing her to convert. How can I best support her without coercing her?

A: In a way, you've answered your own question. Support, not coercion. No one should convert out of coercion, and no rabbi should be involved in such.
When I send a prospective convert to an Introduction to Judaism class, if there is a Jewish partner involved I push hard to have the Jew go to the class as well. That supports the non-Jew. So does attending synagogue and bringing Jewish rituals into personal life as much as possible. If the Jew can't go to class, then s/he should at least be willing and able to discuss the classes and support the study --even read some of the books.
Years ago Egon Mayer, a Queens College sociologist and maven on conversion, spoke at my congregation and said that the main reason given by non-Jews for not converting is that they were never asked. So the Jew should indicate that HONEST conversion would be very important to him, as would a Jewish wedding.

Written by Rabbi George Stern, Temple Beth Torah, Upper Nyack, New York