How did I know I was ready to convert to Judaism? What are the essential elements that help insure the sincerity and authenticity of such an important decision?
By Kathryn Kahn, Membership and Outreach Specialist
In the days that formed the countdown to my marriage, I remember asking myself a series of anxious questions--a sort of final cross examination of my intentions on the eve of this most important ceremony that would, I hoped, begin a lifetime of commitment: "Have I made the right choice? Am I sure of my feelings? Is this relationship the 'real thing'? Can it last a lifetime? Do I need more time to be sure? Am I ready?" Asking these questions helped me to reaffirm the answers I already knew in my heart.
Twelve years after my marriage, I found myself asking similar questions on the eve of another equally important covenant--my conversion to Judaism. In many ways the two covenants, to my husband and to Judaism had the same essential elements--courtship leading to knowledge, love and public commitment.
So how did I know I was ready to convert to Judaism? What are the essential elements that help insure the sincerity and authenticity of such an important decision?
Attraction to, and Knowledge of the Beloved When I first began to study about Judaism it was out of purely intellectual curiosity. If anyone had asked me then if I wanted to convert I would have said, "Of course not!" There was no more deep personal commitment on my part than I would have had on a first date. Exploring Judaism is not the same as entering into the process of conversion. My studies were at first casual and wide ranging and objective, but intriguing enough to me that I wanted to learn more. In effect, I was willing to 'go out again'!
As time went on I began to feel a deeper attraction, particularly for Judaism's ethical values. The ethics of Torah could only be brought to life by human acts-- passive belief, unquestioning faith was not enough. One essential element in becoming Jewish is "doing Jewish", whether by lighting Shabbat candles, arguing over the meaning of a verse from Deuteronomy, or attending a family seder. I was astounded when I found out that there was even a Jewish way to shop! According to our texts, if you do not plan on buying an item, you should not ask the store owner its price. He has to make a living and your idle curiosity is keeping him from attending to more serious customers!
My interaction with Jews, in my husband's family and in the larger community, affirmed that same unique, profound approach to life and spiritual values. The more I discovered about Judaism, the more I wanted to know. That first casual "date" had led to a deepening relationship and after a year I realized I had fallen in love with a religion, a people and a tradition.
Freedom from Other Attachments A love relationship demands fidelity to the beloved. A commitment to a religion demands the same. My relationship with my birth religion had long ago ended and, although I respected my parents' beliefs and valued my background, it was no longer a part of me. I was free to embrace this unique and singular Jewish way of life, if I so chose.
Personal and Public Commitment There is no such thing as a one-sided covenant in marriage or conversion. Each side commits to sacred obligations to nurture, to support, to pledge love and fidelity. This is no casual agreement. Because none of us can foresee the future, and because commitment is not only wonderful but awesome, many of us feel those last minute uncertainties before we make momentous decisions in our lives.
A conversion process that is long enough and profound enough will allow you to identify yourself as Jewish before the act of converting. It will carry you to that final ritual that will seem both right and inevitable. How will you know when you're ready?
Thank you for sharing your journey to conversion. I too have pondered for many years of whether or not to convert. In a deep sense I have always felt a connection to Judaism but I was just not sure this would be the right decision for me. After a long recovery period following cancer surgery, my thoughts and my heart once again turned to the question of conversion. I began attending a local Reform synagogue and had a long talk with the Rabbi. I have attended the introduction to Judaism class that was offered and have become involved in the activities, especially the social justice ones. My love of the Jewish people, the religion and the long abiding tradition has grown to the point of now saying "yes" and knowing that this is where I belong. There have been times of doubt and questioning along the way as I am sure others before me have experienced. I agree with the statement that you will know when and if this is right for you.
Thank you so much. I have been courting the idea of converting to Judaism for a long, long time. The only time I ever felt a real closeness to G-d in any house of worship was at the Bat Mitzvah of a good friend's daughter. I have been studying Judaism and the more I learn the more I like. If I convert, it will be a personal decision. No one else in my family, including my wife, is Jewish. Thank you again for your sharing!!
Thanks so much for sharing your journey. I too have been curious of Judaism. I had a lot of exposure where I grew up and friends that ranged from orthodox to reform. I study religion as an interest and Judaism was one I never dove into. A year ago, a special friend of mine started his conversion process which made me more interested to discover more myself. The more I find out about Judaism through books and stories like yours, the more I realize it aligns with my personal beliefs completely. Growing up Catholic I relied upon my relationship with G-d, but never truly felt the intersession concept or trinity. It never felt natural who I was to pray to. Eventually, I gave up and found Buddhism. But, with that there was no identifiable G-d. Therefore I couldn't be a confident spiritual leader. G-d has always been a source of strength and hope for me. Now, in my 40's, Judaism has been knocking on my spiritual cloud. Every time I try to look away, it finds me again. I'm prolonging my journey until I know it's right, but in my heart I know I will be a Jew. I can tell G-d has opened that door for me. It feels weird, awesome and natural all at the same time. Thanks to URJ and these experiences I don't feel like the odd man out any more.
I began my journey to Judaism as a teenager. I was 16, and had just read the book "When Living Hurts" by Sol Gordon. I wrote him a fan letter, and he replied with the number of the local temple. I called and met with the Rabbi a few days later. When I entered Temple for the first time, I felt Adonai hugging me...I felt as though I was home. I studied diligently for two years, and at 18 I converted. The local paper did a story on my conversion(it's a small town). I love the focus on family,learning,questioning,honoring each other, and the endless search for meaning and intellectual curiosity that embdy Judaism. I am now 35, 17 years as an official Jew. Next year it will be 18, half of my life at age36. I have never regretted my decision, and I even became a Bat Mitzvah. My Temple family has stood by me throughout my trying times, and I am the better for having become Jewish.
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