Conversion with Care and Sensitivity

Rabbi Rosalin Mandelberg

And Ruth said: Do not urge me to leave you, to turn back and not follow you. For wherever you go, I will go; wherever you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people and your God my God. (1:16-17).

The first “conversion” to Judaism is often attributed to the Moabite, Ruth. For following her husband’s untimely death, Ruth beseeches her beloved mother-in-law, Naomi, to let her remain with the Israelites and live as a member of the Jewish people. In her few, heartfelt words, still among the most moving and powerful of all of our sacred texts, Ruth casts her lot with our community, accepting all its responsibilities and privileges forever more.

The story of our matriarch, Ruth, teaches us much about what it means to choose to live a Jewish life. Ruth is attracted to Judaism through her husband’s family, particularly through her mother-in-law, and finds in it meaning, fulfillment and love. So compelling is Judaism to her that she determines, through her own experience and through the acceptance of those closest to her, that no other faith, people or path makes sense for her any longer. Simply, she becomes a Jew by virtue of being a Jew.

Her story is familiar to many of us. It is what many of our own loved ones, friends and members of our Temple communities call their “homecoming,” the fulfillment of their destinies from the happenstances of their birth to the persons they were always meant to be. It is for this reason that I am uncomfortable with actively seeking conversion. It seems to me that the best way to promote Jewish life is to live it fully, joyfully and lovingly. Modeling the best that our people has to offer through vibrant services, programs and community; encouraging all who wish to travel with us on our journeys; and welcoming those who do choose Judaism publicly have proven to me to be the best ways of promoting Judaism to Jews and non-Jews alike.

Similarly, removing as many barriers as possible to participation and including all members of Jewish families, since that is what they are, is critically important. Encouraging every family member to take part, to the extent that they feel comfortable, in Shabbat and holiday observances, in fulfillment of rituals and life cycle observances and in educational, cultural and social programming profoundly impacts upon every person in that family and sends the message loud and clear: “you are welcome here and, whether formally or not, you are one of us.” It says we acknowledge the sacrifice and commitment you have made already in choosing a Jewish community, making a Jewish home and raising a Jewish family and we are grateful.

While, I, like all of us, are concerned about the Jewishness of our children and our people’s future, I am also cognizant that people’s identities and faiths are highly personal and evolve at different times and seasons of their lives. Respecting each individual’s process says, “We love you for who you are as you are, for all that you bring and teach us and struggle with.” In those instances, when a clergy person absolutely knows that a member of our community has all but made the declaration to become a Jew, we know with whom, how and when to talk about the formalities. With sensitivity and care, we can ascertain whether or not the value of sparing a living parent hurt or personal feelings of Jewish inadequacy are barriers that need respecting.

When we meet people where they are, openly, lovingly, patiently, they become Jews when they are Jews. The commitment, quality and continuity of their Judaism is always profound and deeply enduring. Then the casting of their lot with our people is, in the best senses of the word, a true conversion, of heart, of mind and of spirit.

Opening Wide the Gates

Rabbi Stephen Einstein

As Co-Chair of the URJ-CCAR Commission on Outreach and Synagogue Community, I was very moved when I heard Rabbi Eric Yoffie passionately put forth an initiative on conversion during his keynote address at our last URJ Biennial.   I fervently believe that we should open our doors to all who wish to enter, and we should not be quiet about those open doors. 

We need to honor people for the variety of their religious commitments.  We should let everyone know that they are welcome in our synagogues.  However, let us be very clear on this point—for those who might be considering formally becoming part of the Jewish people, we say:  We are honored to have you join us!    

We welcome people who wish to join the Jewish people.   While acknowledging that there are many paths to God and to spiritual fulfillment, we do believe that Judaism enables us to connect with God, and provides us guidance for living a good, decent, and purposeful life.

Before the High Holy Days, I heard from a long-time congregant.  He and his wife have been married for over 30 years and, though he has been part of the synagogue for decades and encouraged his children’s Jewish education, he and his wife had never spoken about conversion.  His wife felt that even to bring up the subject was to exert pressure…and that shouldn’t be.  His adult daughter finally asked him whether he had ever considered formally becoming Jewish.  The good news:  He and his wife have recently entered the Introduction to Judaism class together (we encourage couples to share the experience)—with an eye toward his conversion.  They both are studying Hebrew as well, and now attend Shabbat services with regularity.

Even after more than a quarter-century of outstanding achievements in Reform Jewish Outreach, I am surprised to learn that some members of URJ congregations still think—erroneously—that Judaism does not encourage conversion.   When people attend services, rear Jewish children, and clearly enjoy being part of the Jewish community, why do we feel shy about responding to the message they are sending out?   They are saying in every way—but in words—“I love Judaism.”  Why shouldn’t we acknowledge what they are declaring and say to them:  “You do so many things here with such enjoyment; why not make your Judaism official?  We would be so happy to celebrate that with you.”

Virtually every Jewish family today has within it people who are not Jewish.  Some are active members of another faith community; we certainly respect their religious commitment.  However, many do not practice any religion and feel very much at home within Judaism.  If you have a son-in-law or a daughter-in-law who does not follow any other belief system, reach out and let your dear one know that our doors are OPEN and the welcome mat is OUT!

If you are a member of a synagogue and are not Jewish, you don’t have to do anything!  We are honored that you are part of the congregation.  However, if you have ever considered formally becoming Jewish, there is no better time to start than the present!